Let's face it, even the most intelligent, capable people can get pushed to the limits of their self control. In fact, I would argue that frustration with idiotic management decisions increases in direct proportion to the intelligence or just plain common sense of the observer.
So, it's very easy to find yourself in a Jerry McGuire moment. You know what I'm talking about. Even if you haven't acted on the impulse, you've fantasized about it. You've nursed the dream of confronting the powers that be head on with their own inane stupidity, packing your desk in a fit of righteous indignation, and marching out in a blaze of glory.
Unfortunately, in real life just like with Jerry McGuire, the grand standing emotional exit, the moment of heroism as you tell the establishment to go fuck itself and its lemons, is followed all too quickly by the painful epiphany that you are totally on your own without a plan, or even worse, without a source of income. On top of that, very few of us have a Dorothy Boyd to help us get our shit together after the fact. So, how do you tell them to fuck their lemons, without fucking yourself in the process?
Everyone has to figure out the details for themselves, based on their own circumstances. But, here are a few guidelines I believe everyone should follow to ensure you're able to bail successfully when the time is right.
1) Keep it simple.
I know, I know. Everyone these days is talking about simplifying financially. But, bailing out at a moment's notice is pretty hard to do with a lot of debt and lifestyle overhead. The higher maintenance you are, the more your goodies become shackles to that miserable pit you're dying to escape. So, get a good sense of what your actual financial needs are. If you bailed out tomorrow, how much would you actually need on a monthly basis to maintain food, shelter, and clothing? You also want to avoid having guys named Guido and Lefty come and haul away your toys. If your life requires more than your cut of the state unemployment insurance pie, start cutting back, start saving, and work on your deep breathing exercises. You're going to be there awhile longer.
2) Make regular backups of your contact lists.
You spend a lot of your time creating and cultivating business relationships. You're going to need those most when you strike out on your own into that brave, new world. Make sure you keep a current contact list, including people who you may not need now, but who may come in handy later. You also need to export your Outlook Contacts or other contact management software database periodically. Depending on how your exit goes down, you may not have the chance right before you run out the door.
3) Start working on your "bliss" while you still have a paying job.
Since item number one is probably a bit of a reality check for most of us good American consumers, number three is probably going to be big for you. If you can't bail out until the Gucci bag or last year's vacation is paid off, why not start working on that money making hobby or brilliant business idea now? For now the assholes are supporting your lifestyle, so do the minimum to keep it that way. But, start spending your evenings and weekends (and sick days) building your parachute. With all that shopping you won't be doing, you should have plenty of time.
4) Keep playing the hero.
As you're loping along doing just enough to be productive and not feel complete self loathing, be sure to put your energy where the output will be most visible. Now is not the time to burn the midnight oil on projects that will never see the light of executive approval. You're going for positive customer feedback and senior management kudos. Be sure you keep copies of any e-mails showering you with praise. When it's time to say, "ciao!" you want them to feel the pain. You want the higher ups to be scratching their heads, wondering how they could lose a gem like you. There's also an outside chance when you tender that satisfying resignation they just might sweeten the pot enough to keep your interest.
5) Remember it's a surprisingly small world out there.
Before you actually tell someone to fuck off, be sure there's no way on earth you or anyone associated with you will ever in this lifetime or the next even with remotest possibility need that person's goodwill or help. Whatever you're dealing with now is nowhere near as excruciating as tucking your tail between your legs and asking a favor from someone on whom you've unloaded a venomous diatribe. On the other hand, sometimes the most satisfying exit you can have is the one that leaves everyone baffled. If you walk out with a smile on your face, wishing everyone the best on their future endeavors, you'll be the topic of conversation for weeks, maybe months. Also, if your grand visions of freedom and independence don't exactly work out, you won't have done any irreparable harm to relationships with folks you just might need to provide you with a professional reference (or hire you back, god forbid).
These little strategies may not make for good cinema, but sometimes spontaneity takes careful preparation and planning. Tossing that leash at them with a moment's notice is much more effective if it's not still buckled to your neck. Take a few minutes and think about where you'd be tomorrow if you wanted to walk out the door. When you tell them to fuck the lemons, make sure you have a game plan for bailing out.
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